Pastors and Porn
My friend Paul Coughlin, the radio host and author of “No More Christian Nice Guy,” has asked me to explain in 150 words or less what makes so many pastors susceptible to porn addiction. Since I am a former pastor and an admitted porn addict, Paul thought I might have some insight into the problem.
Most pastors are not porn addicts, of course. But in an anonymous survey conducted recently by Pastors.com, 54 percent of pastors admitted viewing porn within the last year. That’s a lot of pastors.
Since the survey was conducted online, it’s pretty safe to conclude that those pastors who admitted viewing porn had found it on the Internet, where pornographers freely dispense their wares to any anonymous web surfer. It is the perceived anonymity of the Internet, I think, which has given so many men, including pastors, the courage to experiment there.
Why would a pastor look at porn? First, because he’s male, and sexual curiosity is hard-wired into the male human body. Second, because he lives in a fallen world, one in which his natural sexual instincts have been warped and titillated. Third, because he works under incredible stress, his performance critiqued on a weekly basis by an unrealistic audience who insists on treating him as an asexual being or as the sole inhabitant of a higher moral plane.
Everybody has heard of at least one pastor who has run off with the church secretary. The vast majority of pastors are determined never to be that guy. Every pastor, however, experiences moments of despair, anger or loneliness. At such a moment, pornography can appear to be a safe alternative to adultery. To the man who is feeling insecure but doesn’t want to cheat on his wife, a few fleeting seconds with an imaginary lover can prove irresistible.
For a pastor to admit such a mistake, however, is fatal. If anyone discovers what he’s done, he’ll be tarred and feathered and carried out of town on a rail. So what does he do? He takes his guilt to God privately and makes a private promise never to make that mistake again. And maybe he won’t. But speaking for myself, that’s how I became a porn addict.
5 comments
I was a campus minister for years, and all the while a strong porn addiction grew amidst a budding ministry. I hated what I was doing, but couldn’t seem to break free.
I believe my own addiction was built on a foundation of “relational fantasy.” For years as an adolescent I was wrapped up in a fantasy world. I would cast my latest crush as the leading lady in the movie of my mind. There she would read the script I gave her. This movie was more about me than her. The theme of the movie was more about my attractiveness, how she saw me, how “irresistible” I was. Porn only later supplied me with a new cast of characters and a variety of settings. The outward attractiveness of the woman on the screen was only a prop that made this fantasy of personal validation complete. In these movies I was the star, the desired one. Sinfully bitter at a world that refused to revolve itself around me, I created a new world in the theater of my mind.
This, ironically, was part of the reason I may have gone into ministry as well: I wanted to create a world where I was admired. I never would have thought the same sinful root could prompt something so seemingly good (drive for ministry) and something so bad (porn addiction).
I thank God he sent people along to help me unearth this sort of sin. (James 5:16; Hebrews 3:13; Galatians 6:1-2).
Thanks, Nate, for the probing honesty you have and the permission your story gives to the rest of us.
http://www.covenanteyes.com/blog/2008/01/24/brain-chemicals-kirk-franklin-and-walking-trees/
Color http://lhoover8m5lzl.ABABYCLOTHES.INFO/tag/Stop+Color+from+Fading+Shampoo+loss/ : Stop…
Color…
I am a former (fallen) pastor. And I cannot agree more! That was where my road to destruction started, too.
Thanks be to the Living God who saved me out of that fiery hell!
We NEED a safe place where pastors can anonomously speak there hearts and minister to each other!
Your transparency with this issue is incredibly powerful for those in the ministry. Do I have your permission to re-post on our Linedin and Facebook accounts?
Pastors don’t seem to have the privilege like anyone else to admit their temptations or addictions, and therefore as they stay in the darkness they become more and more deep and dangerous. We need to stop these games and start talking more and more about the issue and bringing it into the light. Right now the church has a don’t ask and don’t tell policy on pornography http://www.PornFreedom.org